Ugh!  This morning my 7 year-old battled me again about not liking what I made for breakfast (after I made what she asked for), and complained about brushing her hair.  When I asked her to brush it herself, she grabbed the brush, yanked it through her hair,  which abruptly landed on an unruly tangle, and yelled “I CAN’T!!!!”  That was when my voice  went from patient to monster-mama.  I spouted off consequences, which had nothing to do with her behavior, and barely got her to school on time.  And, dang, I felt HORRIBLE when I watched her run into school.  How the heck is she supposed to focus on school after her mama drops her off in such a huff?  Shit…

So, I got home, texted my husband and told him what happened.  He is on a business trip and he texted that he was sorry it was a tough morning and FYI a friend of ours just lost his father in his sleep last night.  Okay…that gave me some perspective.  Then, I stared at this clock I made when Nora was about 2 years old and I calmed myself down.  Life is short and in the big picture, some tangles and breakfast without the ideal grams of protein really are not a big deal.

I replayed the morning and thought about what I could do to diminish or even eliminate the before-school battles and my simple solution was:  simply not to have them.  That’s it.  If I could redo my harsh lecture I would calmly say “This is unacceptable behavior and we will talk about this later.”  Then just focus on getting her to school.  I would drop her off and say “I love you and have a good day.”  Instead of  ” Get out of the car and run because you’re late!”   Yeah, I said that.  Ugh!

It’s hard being a parent and I think disciplining my daughter is the hardest, suckiest job ever.  It’s not fun for me or her.   Losing my patience with her is the worst feeling ever.  But, I just need to remember I don’t have to REACT instantly when she’s battling me.  It’s that old “count to ten” rule.  Now I’m just deeming “before school” a sacred time where me losing my patience is just not allowed.  Well, this is my goal, which I know is easier said than done.  When in the midst of heightened emotions before school I want to do my best to present emotional stability. Of course, if I lose it, I can apologize and teach her that I know how to to fess up to my own mistakes.  No one is perfect but, before school, I really, really want to eliminate the battles.  *Deep sigh*

Starting the day with a healthy breakfast, teeth and hair brushed, and lunch packed is all well and good, but, nourishing my daughter’s spirit with love and patience before she walks through those school doors is just as important.  When I think about how starting the day on a bad note could distract me from focusing on my own work or task at hand, it gives me empathy for how a child would feel starting the day with a parent yelling at him or her.  Now I can’t wait to apologize to her after school and calmly talk about consequences with my voice and spirit full of caring and patience, rather than anger and frustration.   Tick tock, tick tock..

I forgive myself for this morning’s parenting blunder and vow to do my best to nourish my daughter’s body AND spirit before each school day.    Namaste…